


put your arms around me

by abrightgrayworld



Category: Stargirl (TV 2020)
Genre: A little, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Grief/Mourning, and Pat is not having a good time, it's almost the anniversary of the day the JSA died
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:29:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24925429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abrightgrayworld/pseuds/abrightgrayworld
Summary: She knew it was a bad day. She knew Pat would be sad. That didn’t prepare her for the sight of Pat curled into his pillow under the covers, shoulders shaking as he sobbed.For a horrible second, Courtney wanted to turn back, pretend she hadn’t seen anything, pretend that the annoying, overbearing, strong-parental-unit, JSA-member Pat she knew was in this room and not an absolute wreck. She almost did it. But then Pat made a quiet gasping noise, like he couldn’t get enough air, and she knew she couldn’t.-It's around the anniversary of the day the JSA died, and Pat isn't feeling well at all. Courtney and Mike help.
Relationships: Courtney Whitmore & Pat Dugan, Mike Dugan & Pat Dugan, Pat Dugan/Barbara Whitmore
Comments: 20
Kudos: 86





	put your arms around me

**Author's Note:**

> First Stargirl fic! I am inexplicably charmed by this show and love family whooooo so here this is!

December 23rd dawned bright and beautiful, and Pat kind of wanted to die.

Barbara shifted next to him, ready to get out of bed for a day of Christmas preparations. They had both taken the day off work, but for vastly different reasons. She leaned over Pat and laid a hand on his cheek.

“You okay?” she asked, low and warm.

Pat wasn’t, not at all. He shrugged a little. “I want tomorrow to be special for us,” he said, barely able to speak. “So I just…need today,”

He tried to smile as Barb hummed, her eyes sad, and leaned over to kiss him.

“I’ll tell the kids not to bother you today. You just rest, and call me if you need anything,” she said, caressing the side of his face before heading off to shower.

Pat closed his eyes, exhaustion and grief settling on him like a physical weight. The faces of his friends flashed in his mind, one by one. Laughingn around the JSA table, singing terribly at karaoke, grinning for the camera as he yelled at them to say cheese. And even though he hadn’t seen all of them die, he saw their lifeless faces in his mind, the grey tint to their skin, the light gone from their eyes.

_I’m sorry_ , he thought. He was so, so, tired. He could barely string a thought together, but that one came easy. He thought it ever day. _I’m sorry. I’m so sorry._ Eventually, he tried to drift off to sleep. He saw flashes of green fire, heard screams, saw his breath fogging as the air turned frigid. He saw Sylvester’s dull, dead eyes fixed on him, the staff still warm from the fading heat of his hands.

He awoke with a jerk, his heart pounding, and finally gave way to tears.

\--

“Courtney, Mike,” Barbara said, stopping outside the living room. Courtney looked up from the TV, which was merrily playing _A Muppets Christmas Carol._ “I just wanted to let you know that Pat’s not feeling very well today, and you should try not to bother him unless you need to.”

Beside her, Mike winced, a strange look of understanding passing his face. He nodded. “Thanks, Barb.”

Courtney looked between him and her mom, confused. “Um, okay? What’s wrong with him?”

Her mom paused. “This time of year is tough for him, and he just needs some time to rest.”

Courtney frowned, pushing for more, and Barbara shook her head. “It’s not for me to tell, okay? You can try asking Pat when he’s better.”

The second her mom left for last-minute Christmas shopping, Courtney rounded on Mike. “Spill,” she said.

Mike opened his mouth to protest, a stubborn look crossing his face, and Courtney ratcheted up the force of her glare.

“Okay, okay!” He leaned back, crossing his arms, discomfort on his face. “Dad always gets weird around this time. I asked him about it once, and he just said that he’d lost a lot of people he loved, and he was sad, but that I shouldn’t worry.”

Courtney froze, reeling. “Oh my god,” she muttered. “Oh my _god_.”

She knew it was the anniversary of the JSA’s death tomorrow—now that she knew her dad was Starman, Christmas Eve wasn’t as bitter of a day as it had used to be, and she was looking forward to having fun this year.

But like always, she had completely disregarded Pat.

“I’m going upstairs,” she announced.

“Courtney, _wait_ —” Mike hissed, but she was gone before she heard the rest.

The door to her mom and Pat’s room was closed. Courtney swallowed, unexpectedly nervous, then slowly pushed it open.

She knew it was a bad day. She knew Pat would be sad. That didn’t prepare her for the sight of Pat curled into his pillow under the covers, shoulders shaking as he sobbed.

For a horrible second, Courtney wanted to turn back, pretend she hadn’t seen anything, pretend that the annoying, overbearing, strong-parental-unit, JSA-member Pat she knew was in this room and not an absolute wreck. She almost did it. But then Pat made a quiet gasping noise, like he couldn’t get enough air, and she knew she couldn’t.

She stepped closer to the bed, feeling incredibly awkward. “Pat?” she said softly, a lump rising in her throat. “Um, are you okay?” It was _such_ a ridiculous question, but she couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Pat froze, then shot upright, beginning to rub his face furiously with the blanket in front of him.

“Court,” he said, or tried to, the word wobbling as he tried to control his crying. “Uh, sorry, kiddo, I’m not—” He kept talking, trying to put words together, to pull himself together, and Courtney couldn’t take it. She just _couldn’t_.

“Pat, it’s okay,” she said, soft. She gathered her nerve and sat next to Pat on the bed, and slowly, awkwardly, hugged him.

They didn’t do this. Courtney could count the number of times she’d hugged Pat on one hand, mostly after battles with the new JSA. But Pat shuddered and collapsed into her, crushing her to him, and it felt weird, but…right.

He cried for a long time, and Courtney did too, a little for Starman but mostly for him. She hadn’t really understood the magnitude of what he had lost. All that griping he had done, still did, was because he had lost nearly all his family in one night. Courtney had had her mom and a memory of a father she barely knew. Pat had had almost _no one_.

“I’m sorry,” Pat said finally, lifting his head. He ran a head down his face, smearing tears over his cheeks. “I shouldn’t have—I shouldn’t have put that on you.”

“No,” Courtney said, fierce. “You have every right to be upset. You lost so much that day.” She looked away, ashamed. “I’m sorry I never really understood.”

“I never want you to understand that kind of pain,” Pat said hoarsely. “So don’t apologize, okay?” She nodded, and he sank back down onto the pillows, gray and wan. Courtney felt that awkwardness creeping in again, but only a little. The silence was…not nice, exactly, but comforting. Kind of…familial.

They heard the door creep open and turned to see Mike at the threshold, hesitantly looking at his father.

“Come here, bud,” Pat said, a tiny smile in his voice, and Courtney moved aside as Mike flung himself onto the bed and curled into his father’s arms, deciding not to comment on the way Mike elbowed her as he did. Pat reached over, hand outstretched, and she took it, surprised at how comforting and good it felt.

“I’m going to tell you a story,” he said softly, “about my best friends in the world.”

And he did. He left out the superhero detail for Mike’s benefit, but Courtney listened to him spin tales of the JSA’s more human sides. Their favourite foods, their most embarrassing stories, their relationships with each other. It made her realize that while the world knew them as heroes, Pat was one of the few people alive who knew them as just people. A living archive for the dead.

Pat talked and talked until his words started slurring, and he slowly went to sleep. Mike had dozed off, too, and Courtney watched them for a long while, a fierce protectiveness budding in her chest.

_I’m going to destroy them,_ she thought. _I’m going to destroy every single one of the ISA. I’ll make them pay, Pat. I promise._

She drew the covers over them. “Sleep well, Mike,” she said, smirking at his snore-snort. She squeezed Pat’s hand and, spurred by a sudden impulse, kissed his cheek.

“Sleep well…Dad,” she whispered, cheeks burning a little, then softly left the room to let them rest.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are so appreciated! I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
